We’ve bought a new house. And our new next door neighbours (two delightful gentlemen) will not stop being nice.
- bought us a seagull proof refuse bag (yes, they are actual things)
- loaned us garden tools when we didn’t have any
- invited us around for Friday night drinks so we could meet the other people on the lane
- one of them brought me a bunch of sweetpea flowers that he’d picked from his garden
- and tomorrow he’s coming to cut our hedge for us with his electric hedge trimmer thing idk, and all I have to do is hold the ladder.
Basically, I am UNSETTLED and am now having to enter into an arms race of niceness and I am already so behind oh god.
Long story short - I just baked a lemon drizzle cake, and it looks great but I can’t even eat it because MR AND MR NICE MUST RECEIVE AN OFFERING.
ABSOLUTE CRISIS I GAVE THEM THE LEMON DRIZZLE AND THEN THEY INVITED ME IN TO HAVE A SLICE AND A COFFEE WITH THEM AND GAVE ME A TOUR OF THEIR HOUSE AND LET ME HOLD THEIR PUPPY. AND THEN THEY CAME AROUND TO HELP ME BAG UP THE HEDGE CLIPPINGS. THESE MEN ARE NICENESS PROS AND I CANNOT WIN.
HELPWE HAD AN HOUR LONG POWER CUT ON THE STREET AND IN THAT TIME THE OTHER MR NICE CAME AROUND WITH MATCHES AND CANDLES ‘JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN’T HAVE ANY’. IT WAS BARELY DARK.
BASTARDS - I’M GOING TO HAVE TO HOST A DINNER PARTY AREN’T I?
The Gay Agenda, everyone.
this is fucking i n c r e d i b l e
Imagine your otps
Just so everyone knows -
Mr and Mr Nice moved out around Christmas time 2016. (Further proof that 2016 was a cursed year)
We are still in touch and have been to visit them in their new house. They moved to gain some land, they have sheep aspirations for some reason. I love them.
We have new neighbours. I am currently engaged in a slow burn of niceness, which you can bet that I am going to crank up to the max when we move down permanently in June.
I WILL BE THE NICE ONE THIS TIME. PRE-EMPTIVE STRIKE. NO MERCY.
I feel like this might be how the cycle started in the first place
- the dregs daring kaz to go on the ghost train and he’s like i ain’t afraid of no ghost?? so he gets on and 5 min later there are two men clad in sheets literally pushing through the staff exit, two spooky knights trailing after them and one skeleton muttering “i didn’t sign up for this” (you can clearly see kaz behind them, casually swooshing his cane around, the epitome of calm) - meanwhile wylan decides to prove to kaz /and to himself + brag a little in front of jesper) he can handle the ghost ride too so he gets on another train, smoothing his hair back, rolling up his sleeves, acting all cool and badass. 5 min later wylan reappears, white as a sheet, wheezing a little, saying “the lamest ghosts i’ve ever seen!! hahahhahah!! fear who?? i don’t know her” - nina treats inej to a delicious ice cream cone and they take cool pictures dressed up as marie antoinette and nina fills up her dress so much (and well) the photographer can’t get his bearings while nina just smooths down her skirts with a haughty smirk like, “from one cake lover to another” - inej makes an offhanded comment about this plush tiger she liked and how it’s ridiculous to pay so much money to shoot a target in order to get smth so it becomes the dregs’ mission to get her that toy - five minutes later the squad rolls up carrying an entire bag of plushies, some short cash and owner’s apology written in ink while he begged kaz not to set his amusement park on fire - inej smiles, shakes her head and gives the tiger to a little brown girl who seems lonely and upset while her friends are at the playground with their barbies (she also tells her how tigers are one of the scariest felines AND predators in the entire world and it can eat three barbies at once) - meanwhile matthias decides to try his luck with the high striker (that’s how it’s called here so idk if that’s the right term but it’s that thing where you test your strength by smashing a lever with a hammer), not really trying to boast about himself or anything and literally BREAKS the lever, apologizing profoundly to the completely shocked guy holding his price - kuwei is just chilling on the carousel like, “this is nice” - they collectively get on the roller coaster and even kaz screams at some point even if no one can tell if it’s the urge to puke or he’s actually genuinely happy and enjoying life rn - either way they try every other ride until they’re literally green and regretting A Lot of the choices they’ve made in the past half an hour but they’ll always remember that day as one of the best days in their life - not just as a team but individually as well - after they’re done puking (inej is the only one holding up but she helps them cope with the aftermath of the rides by gently holding nina’s hair, patting jesper on the back, safekeeping kaz’s cane, throwing dirty glances at anyone who makes a face at them bc excuse you you’d be sick after 15 amusement rides too?? tf??) - later, they all go for refreshments while jesper shows them the pics he’s taken on his phone when they weren’t looking. there’s even one where kaz’s unmistakingly smiling at no one in particular (it’s just a coincidence inej’s laughing in the background and kaz’s head is turned in her general direction) - the pic /mysteriously/ disappears a few hours later but the good memories (and the rest of jesper’s camera roll) remain
My Mom just accidentally prematurely sent an email to an accounting firm… It was supposed to say ‘I am afraid that we will have to postpone our meeting”
other ya characters: this guy…he’s so dark and mysterious, the way he just hurts everyone around him…including me. i’ve cried so much since i’ve met him, but no no he’s just misunderstood, you don’t understand him! and sure i’ve only known him for 2 days and he has a million secrets, but i’d forfeit my life for his
inej ghafa: kaz is a literal piece of crap. he treats everyone badly, and though he’s never treated me horribly, i still won’t give in unless he shows me he can be more than all of this. until then i’ll be out saving the world because my goals are obviously more important than a relationship
and if Kaz looks a little more wonderstruck when Inej comes ‘flying’ en pointe
or if Inej seems to dance a little closer to Kaz’s hands
neither of them say a thing
Dunyasha notices the two of them getting closer together and accuses Inej of flirting with Kaz to steal her role
Inej: “If I really was, you think I’d request to work with you?”
Inej nevertheless gets wary, and tells Kaz to distance himself from her as she improves
the ballet premieres to rave reviews and already Kaz’s getting requests from all over the world to make ballets
but he politely declines all of them, saying that this was his first and only ballet production
on the last night, Dunyasha calls that she injured her legs (something about falling a roof)
Kaz and the corps* are freaking out because it’s ten minutes til curtain until
“I’ll do it. Where’s Dunyasha’s Odile costume?”
Kaz turns around so fast he cricks his neck, and sees Inej in her white tutu with a ready expression on her face
“But-”
Inej smiles a little at Kaz’s doubt. “I had to practice something other than Odette when you were gone.”
the audience leans forward with bated breath as the curtain rises and then whispers break out among them as the ballerina for Siegfried steps out
because this can’t be it, why would Kaz Brekker be performing at his own production? And as one of the leading roles?
by now, the crowd knows Inej plenty and when she steps out of the wings as Odette, the audience grows berserk
but when she sees Kaz dressed as Siegfried she stops in her tracks
a tiny smirk starts to form on his lips because he’s one upped her on surprises
together, the two of them dance as the enchanted girl and the prince who falls in love with her
but when the newspapers publish their glowing review of the ballet, they wax lyrical about Odile and Siegfried’s Pas de Deux instead
and how Inej absolutely stunned everyone in her Black Swan Variation and brought the whole audience leaping to their feet when she absolutely floored them with her hypnotic thirty two fouettés (4:19)
*fouettés - a pirouette done by whipping the leg to the side in a circular motion. In Swan Lake, Odile needs to do thirty two of these - a signature and iconic move that’s never been omitted from any SL production.
*Pas de Deux - literally, step of two where two ballet dancers perform together
*corps de ballet - ballet company dancers that dance as a collective group (or the lowest ranking members of the ballet)
“get a girl who looks at you like kaz looks at money”
“crows arent real”
drawing a goose on your non-tattooed arm and pretending like that’s the new gang symbol
“i think this is a flute moment”
“careful, inej is probably watching”
pointing at any imagery of a dog/wolf and being like “matthias is this you”
everyone is at least 30% in love with nina zenik
“i love you, but not enough to buy you a boat and reunite you with your family” “yeah same”
muttering “no mourners, no funerals” whenever kaz verbally drags someone through the mud
waffles
everyone getting sick of the waffles meme
using the waffles meme ironically
one time inej stole kaz’s hat just to see if she could and no one will shut up about it
making up ridiculous ketterdam slang and convincing matthias that that’s what people actually say
“nice ___” “yeah i bought it legally” *laughter*
whenever they get hate mail/threats wylan picks it up and “reads” whatever it was as a gushing compliment to the receiver
kuwei discovering really bad pick up lines. jesper encourages this.
one time, after a very successful scam/heist, kaz took a handful of bills and made it rain. no one is quite sure this actually happened, even though they were there for it
pijinns said: AU where the dregs go to an amusement park
